I'm Back...

There's nothing like a year long hiatus from blogging to put life in perspective.

We have a new prez, I've returned to my daily gym routine, the infant who use to drool on my power-suit is now a toddler and I am now part of my state's unemployed population so dealing with that bitch of a boss is no longer an issue for me. I now have plenty of time to do what I have been needing for years - a whole lotta nothin'.

Took my kids to soccer camp, spent two hours at the gym, categorized my DVD collection, organized my underwear and lingerie drawers, read a magazine from cover to cover, and watched a day long marathon of 'Burn Notice'.

I admit this will lose its appeal in a few weeks but for now - Life is good.

Not so good for David Carradine who apparently hung himself in his hotel room closet either late Wednesday or early Thursday. No reason given as of yet as to why he would end his life. He was in his early 70s and seemed a pretty spiritual fellow from all accounts - the death seems to have come as a surprise to many people. In one article, someone who knew him says the awkward but always tragedy-interchangeable statement:

“I had been thinking about calling him for the last several days. ... I have so many great memories of (suicide victim) that I wouldn’t even know where to begin . (Suicide victim) has a very special place in my heart.”

Why do people have these opportunities to reach out to someone they are thinking about and feel the need to contain themselves? These thoughts and urges we have and feel, the sense that we need to engage another human being, a specific person, there's a reason for that. Why not go with it, I wonder?

Not saying that David would have taken the call and immediately said "Instead of stripping down to my bare skin and using a curtain rope to hang myself in the closet of this luxurious hotel, I think I will take in a movie and contemplate this conversation I just had with my intuitive friend."

I am saying there's a reason you had that thought, and ignoring it goes against all that is natural. That thought is proof of a connection you have that you can't explain away or google to figure it out. I can think of more than one event in my life when I regretted something and it landed in my "coulda, shoulda, woulda" folder.

A good life is one you live without regrets. I've learned the hard way in the last year or so that trusting my gut about someone or a situation is a natural protection we are given, and we tend to ignore the sensation and rely on things we can explain. Sometimes, there is no place for logic and reason. Sometimes, you just have to listen to the little voice inside. That is...Unless the voice you are hearing is coming out of your dog who is telling you to kill people. But that's a whole other post.

Source: MSNBC.com

Installing A Husband

From an email

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance. Particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NHL 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate


Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: 'I Thought You Loved Me.exe' and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, Tech Support
INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Shoot Me. Please.

You ever have one of those days you wish could be deleted from memory?

Started with my choice of outfit ( silk grey blouse that clung where it shouldn't over a black skirt that kept riding up), then a run in my stockings as I got in my car, followed by the rain and humidity curling up my blowed out (is that a word... blowed?... yeah... anyway...) hair, board meeting that ran long, seeing my old boss, having her ask me "So how's it going over there?" and me wanting to say "I want to f-ing kill my staff and my boss is a turd, the only highlight is that you are no longer around to take credit for my work, but how are you?", followed by a lunch with a co-worker that was invaded by one of my clients who just sat her ass down next to us and refused to leave until dessert, more rain, my desk full of messages from people who see fit to call me three times and then email (why the hell don't they just email me and wait?) when I got back to the office, my blackberry on the fritz (I knew I shouldn't have given up the frickin' Treo), my candidate for the engineering position failing his drug test, my client not passing credit, my neighbors' dog using my lawn as his personal potty, my daughter thinking my Prada glasses would look good on the baby, the baby thinking the glasses looked better floating in toilet water, my husband telling me we aren't going to Argentina this year, my mother telling me she's thinking of moving out on her own, and my favorite pajamas coming out of the dryer with a huge clorox stain on the pant leg.

And it's only Tuesday.